Wednesday, April 29, 2009
tell me why am i so stupid.
tell me.
tell me.TELL ME!this is what happen:
i pull my hair during the 2 hours paper. i cried during the paper, just that the tears are on my eyes they didn't flow out. i pray that i will think of the answers. i look around to calm myself down and tell myself repeatedly i can do it. i pray that i will at least get a pass. i shut my eyes and think of the answers, visualizing how my notes look like. i really felt i'm going insane. just 一线之差。just one step to being insane. i secretly scold vulgarities.
i thought of what happen if i fail. i don't want to retake one more paper. i don't want to spend another 1.5k. i thought of whether i need to buy the textbook or borrow from friend if i retake. i thought of how happy i'll be, jumping in joy, if i pass.
280 students taking ethics. after half hour, people start submitting. by 415pm, the hall is left with 16 people. i wanted to give up and left. but i tell myself to try. maybe i'll think of the answers later.
i studied what the questions asked. friends mentioned they didn't study some part.
but.
i came out of the hall crying. i called sweetie immediately and i couldn't control but cried. i really don't want to repeat module. i wanted to call mummy but battery low. i came home and tell her while i cry.
what's wrong what's wrong. i guess and i feel i've been more hardworking than last semester. but this semester all modules seems to be so fucked up especially ethics. this is the first time i left exam hall with tears on my face. alright, i really hate myself for being stupid, seriously.
am having headache now due to the studies and crying. i need sweetie now. i need nice food now.
6:30 PM
