Tuesday, June 10, 2008
relationship stuffs aside first. what i'm going to blog now is easier to write.
i'm so pissed off by my birthday plans. initial was the venue and date. i couldn't find a date which he could attend. dates which i want are fully booked. chalet was too expensive. after days of consideration, i finally settle the venue and date, never mind about whether he can attend.
food. i'll skip the details of all the quarrels we had. but since they already have in mind what they want to do, then what for ask me. what for argue with me. which leads to all the quarrels? cos no matter how much we talked, they have already made up their mind. instead of saying "ask you for opinion", why not just say "tell you our plans." the way they talk to me, ask me stuffs, is like so fierce. of cos that makes me answer back in an unhappy manner. and now i'm feeling bad that i attitude them, yet upset with the way they talk to me. this family seriously needs to go for communication lessons.
invites. i take this as an opportunity to have some catch up with friends. not much problem with w66L side. we would always meet up, and majority of them are going. problem lies with ps0103. ever since we split class, our friendship drifted apart. as we move on to woodlands campus, and even graduated, i don't know where's this friendship now. there are times i tried to gather them. but there was never once when all of us could sit down together. not even during break times in school. are you girls that busy, or am i that insignificant. i remembered they are the ones who are here for me when i was going through those hard times in year one. i remembered they are the ones who made my year one a little better. didn't want to lose this friendship i have, i invite them, hoping that we'll have some catch up on the day. and what have they been telling me? they have plans that day. they will see how that day. they will see who's going that day. i was thinking of inviting w66f. but minor incident shows me how little i mean to this people. so yea, even though they have a little place in my heart, it's pointless inviting them. many times, it's just one sided.
now, i really feel like canceling everything. it makes no meaning when he couldn't be there. it makes no meaning when friends i want to gather, doesn't seems that interested. it makes no meaning to plan a celebration which causes unhappiness in the family. i couldn't find any reason to why, in the first place, i wanted this celebration.
how significant we are to this person, reveals as time goes by. if you mean alot to this person, he/she would want to see you. but i always have this feeling that i was never that significant to anyone. yes, not a single one.
2:40 PM
