Saturday, April 26, 2008
i fall asleep after crying yesterday, thus halfway done with this post which was supposed to be completed yesterday. so here goes.
you know what? i actually cried because of that issue. have been suppressing my feelings since wednesday. not feeling good at all. ever since that issue, i keep questioning myself am i wrong. but colleagues assured me that it's something wrong with her, not me. i admit i am angry with her actions and everything. but deep inside my heart, i am not feeling good at all for indirectly making her cry. after a talk with pengkee, i realized i've hurt the girl's self-esteem. which i don't know why i neglect this point. when young, i was hurt before. so how could i overlook the fact that i've hurt her, and that explains why she's behaving like this to me. but today, she wrote a letter saying she loves me. -.- i'm not a good teacher at all. even someone with no experience, could teach me how to handle kids and stuffs. i don't know how to explain the feelings and thoughts i have. can someone understand without me explaining?
anyway, for doctor's appointment, it's good news. i peep at my report before doctor came in. inside my heart i was smiling. when doctor saw me, she said "adeline! good girl!" yes, my test result is good yesterday. but seriously, i'm much much much lazier than the previous test. yet i don't understand why i had bad results when i work hard, and good results when i don't bother. does it means it's better to be a bad girl? like what others say, the best thing comes when you don't try so hard? or something like this? hmms. oh, i only need to maintain the same amount of dosage for the next 4 weeks. no increase dosage!
as for today...
eyes were kinda puffy when i woke up. =x and later on, i have headache for the whole day. throat isn't well too. got no energy to work, and a little body ache. somewhere's wrong with my body, but i don't know what's wrong. had my temperature measured after work, and got 37 degree. is it fever or going to fever? drank lotsa water when i got home, hopefully will be fine after i wake up tomorrow. cos poor girl have to work. i'm worried if it's because of my illness. yes, ade must be careful when she has fever. anyways, it might be due to the weather or the environment as well. lotsa kids there, so maybe there are more germs? hah. cos usually i don't get sick so super often. and i get sick 2 times within one month now.
although it hurts a little, but i enjoy talking about our past with you. you telling me the happy times we once had. the effort you put in. but.... i can't stop blaming myself for being a difficult girl.
preciousiwantyouback.
3:05 PM
